I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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