She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
