i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
