So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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