ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
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