At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
