i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
