Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
