i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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