She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
