Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
