So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she peed on how many people?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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