Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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