I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think my vagina is haunted
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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