you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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