remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
