apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
