You really coming over, don't trick.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
sarcasm needs its own font
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
