I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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