pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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