duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
