pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
