Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
