I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
