i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
