is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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