There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
