shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
