im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
