sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
