jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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