i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
