I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
