So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
