to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
