I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
