worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
