thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
