When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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