That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
