I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
