I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
