why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
