what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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