508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
