He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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