somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
