I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
