Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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