The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
