saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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