Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
