Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
