Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
