your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
